I'm a bit...torn?

This post is going to be probably slightly more personal than the others, not sure if to post it, but if I do please be kind.
I'm sorry this post might not be all cheery and upbeat, I promise to be more upbeat next week.
But I'm a little bit down, confused? I'm not too sure what I am. I just know I'm not the upbeat person I try and be.

I'm not going to pretend anything catastrophic has happened, it hasn't. But this week has been... interesting? I guess.
So basically for the last week or so my mum has been off work due to personal issues, and for all I love my mum we can easily get on each others nerves very quickly, so by spending so much time together it's been nice but also a little bit testing and snappy at times, which hasn't been great.

On top of that, college has been frustrating. Not so much going to college and the actual lessons, although they've felt very 'visual' and 'year 3, gluing and sticking' which I do not enjoy, it's been more the people.

I love my friends and maybe it's just me and because of how things have been recently but it's felt very on edge this past week or 3, within the group. I might be imagining it, or it might just be me but I don't know there feels to be a tension or something between a certain person and everyone else. I don't want to single them out as I said I love my friends they're everything to me. They make everything better and bearable, but it's just a feeling really. So I don't know if to ask this person if anything has happened because they've been a bit off or just leave it as it might just sort itself out...I don't know.

Another this is, I have a job interview and for everyone who thinks this is great news, I can understand why, if this was me a year ago I would have literally been jumping for joy. Which I was initially but now I don't even know if I should go to it. I was all happy and thinking I'd have 2 jobs and everything would be awesome but the more I've thought of this the more guilt and cons I've found with this job. I've not even got the job but I just feel so guilty for applying to it. I literally feel torn in two about it. I don't think I'm going to go though...I don't think I can bring myself to go.

It sounds all crazy and I don't know what's going on it my mind right now. Everything just feels like it's all jumbled and backwards and I don't know what to do... I'm even scared of posting this in case this makes everything worse. It's not like hardly anyone even reads my blog anyway so I don't know why I'm so concerned.

Anyway, for those of you who do read and enjoy my blog posts, I'm sorry if this is a let down or a bad post. I'm just in a bit of a strange place right now.
But thank you for reading,

Love Caitlyn xxx